In the last article I talked about why your self-affirmation is low and one habit that is exacerbating it.
So, How can we build confidence in ourselves? This time I will tell you about the two mental attitudes absolutely necessary to have confidence.
2 essential ways to build self‐confidence
It has two axes. One is to succeed and experience confidence in yourself. The other is to accept yourself as you are.
piling your successful experiences
As expected, this is important. People who don't have confidence believe that "I am useless" as I wrote in the previous article. And to believe that you are worth, you just need a reason to convince yourself. In order to get self-confidence, it is important that you convince yourself by your success.
How can we pile successful experiences?
Then how? there are 2 tips.
do what you wanna do
Set up plans and goals
１. do what you wanna do
Naturally, It's important to do what you wanna do and not to do what you aren't interested in. Will power can be maintained if there is high motivation, but in case there is no motivation, it will be lost in a moment. Eventually, weak motivation will not continue.
What do you want to do? Let's do what excites your heart after achieving.
２.Set up plans and goals
As I said earlier, people who aren't confident tend to think their failure is due to the absence of their abilities. So it is important to create a system that is hard to do so. One of the way is to set goals and plans as a set.
For example, suppose there was a motivation saying "I want to become muscular like Will Smith !” This is a goal. On the other hand, the plan means what you really do, such as "30 x 3 sit-ups, 2 x 30 pushups bla-bla-bla." .
Build a big goal, and break it down into small goals and make plans necessary to achieve it.
By doing this, you can prevent big jump in logic like that you attribute your failure to your incompetence. For example, if you do not reach the goal despite you did your plan firmly as planned, you will know there was a mistake in the way you built the plan at the first, so you just need to think what's miscalculation and improve it. This assiduous effort is important. So after you plan from the goal, keep going to the first goal first.
Of course, you should stop it if that goal does not matter for you. However, if you spend your time such as "I wanna achieve that goal but I don't feeling like doing anything today...", you cannot change yourself unfortunately for now.
Strictly speaking, it is actually a very easy way to think "I can't do because I'm bad".
If you believe so, you don't need to work hard anymore and feel painful by the failure of your challenge. You're just protecting yourself from getting hurt. What you need to have self-confidence is a steady effort. Blinded efforts often make you just exhausted, so I recommend planning firmly and trying hard and gaining success experiences.
When it is combined that the confidence that I tried more than anyone else and the brave thinking "I'll accept it if I fails" it becomes unbelievable confidence. People who look confidently are did effort more than others because they are so scared. reference：『筋トレは最高のソリューションである』
Accept and exposing yourself who aren't not big
As I wrote in Cause of all low self-esteem & only one habit to lower your self esteem, People who do not have confidence in themselves are fall into a loops that keep losing self-confidence by suppressing themselves and adjusting yourself to people around you, so it is important to get out of there.
Why do we hide ourselves?
That is because we don't want to be thought that we aren't great. And what you need to escape from this thought is not becoming a wonderful human through repeated experiences, but just accepting you as you are.
There are no perfect human because perfect definition is different by each person. So it is 100% impossible to become perfect person for everyone. Let's not be bound by the illusion that you create. The thought of "I do not have this" can not be defeated by your effort. To break through it, you need to forgive and give up.
One of my favorite book is "irreplaceable self who aren't big". As a contrast to irreplaceable self who aren't big, she uses the word "self who aren't anywhere." Stop performing as if you are perfect like brilliant and strong and logical and so on. You don't need to be grateful person. Just be yourself. This book tell us the importance.
the low cost‐performance of hiding yourself
And also, those who aren't confident in themselves tend to hide themselves to protect themselves, but exposing themselves is the most effective strategy to protect themselves. It is because there are too few rewards for worrying about what others think of ourselves in this era.
To begin with, how others think of us is not something we can control so worrying about it is wasting cognitive cost.
And now, we can connect with various people so we don't have to be patient with someone who don't fits us. We can just part from the community if it doesn't fit us. Additionally, we can increase the probability that we connect with suitable community by exposing ourselves.
Why don't you expose yourself?