human relations life lesson mind

Cause of all low self-esteem & only one habit to lower your self esteem

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"I do not have confidence in myself", "I want to be confidence".....
In fact there are many people who wish they had confidence.
Actually, there is a evil habit that people with low self-affirmation have always done and lower their self affirmation feeling more and more.
This time I will tell you why you can't feel confident in yourself and one habit to promote it.

The reason of your low self-affirmation and bad habit to let down yourself

We are with myself from the moment we were born until we die.

The reason of your low self-affirmation

There is only one reason why your self-esteem is low. It's because you strongly believe you are incompetent.

Until now, because people around you and yourself have imprinted "how you are incompetent", you strongly believe the illusion that you're incompetent on your own. I explain about them one by one.

Impact of surrounding people

For example, there is an experiment.

An experiment at Rosenthal’s school

They gave the teacher a message saying "Harvard method of learning ability blooming period test can predict growth of children's results one year later", assigning the children randomly, apart from the actual results.
Then, it turned out that children who teacher had expectation of showed high improvement with the results of the test after 8 months. It was also revealed that the behavior of the teacher to that child changed without being conscious of it.

引用:P715 心理学実験 (2018) 有斐閣出版

The point is that regardless of the original academic ability, the expectation to the children improved their actual results.

In this case, if people around you believe that you can do anything, you will think that you may be so.
And since you think that you can do it, you will do your best. Since you try your best, the actual results will come out. Since the result will be out, you think you can do more and more. This is a good circle.

On the other hand, if people around you think that "You are stupid and can not do anything", you will think that you may be so. And since you think you can't do it, you don't do it earnestly. Since you don't do your best, you can't obtain good result. and the result make you think you're incompetent more and more. This is a vicious circle.

In this way, if you anticipate yourself to be like something, you will unconsciously take actions that match your predictions, and the process of creating the anticipated situation as a result is called "self-fulfilling prophecy".

From the failure of yourself

This is not limited to the influence from the surrounding people. It is also influenced by how to face your failure by yourself. For example, you did it hard desperately but only you couldn't do it. If such a failure continues, you perhaps start thinking that you can't do anything even if you try hard anyway. Eventually you will reach the conclusion that "no matter what I do, there is no sense". This is called learned helplessness. It means that you have learned your helplessness. There is such a dog experiment.

An experiment of Seligman

electric shocks was sent to a room which a dog is in. At this time, they fixed the dog so that it can not escape from the electric shock. A dog who kept being given electric shock in a situation that could not escape like that did not try to escape from the electric shock even if they made it possible to escape afterwards.

The dog has certainly learned his helplessness.

It also happen to human beings.
We sometimes misunderstand the adjoint characteristic by extension.
For instance, you couldn't do it because of your short of effort or because it's just your weak point. However, you think you couldn't do it because you are helpless. Like that, you are forming your belief that you are helpless more and more.
And, before challenging, you unconsciously narrow the choices because you can't do it anyway. Even things that you don't even challenge are may counted as being unable to do.

Bad habits that people who don't have confidence have

There is one evil habit that people who do not have confidence for themselves do necessarily and that make them dislike themselves more and more. That it entrusting yourself to others.

The judgment criterion of the people who have no confidence of themselves, is not what they wanna do but what others think of them. And each time we lie to ourselves we become increasingly uncomfortable and dislike ourselves.

To lie to yourself is to do something you don't wanna do and don't do what you wanna do.
You do it to be approved or liked by surrounding people, but the more your hide yourself frantically, the more you strengthen your belief that "real self can't be accepted". And you will hide yourself more and more.

It is a negative spiral that it makes yourself uncomfortable and lower confidence to expose yourself.

summary

You do not have confidence in yourself because you believe you are helpless which based on your past experience.
And when you hide yourself and adapt to around, the fact that you are not exposing yourself is increasingly making you believe that "real self is too bad to expose".

Let's stop doing it.

Then how? I wrote how to increase your confidence in the following article.

How to build your confidence, essential 2 points

In the last article I talked about why your self-affirmation is low and one habit that is exacerbating it. So, How can we build confidence in ourselves? This time I will tell you about the two mental attitudes absolutely necessary to have confidence. 2 essential ways to build self‐confidence It has two axes. One is to succeed and experience confidence in yourself. The other is to accept yourself as you are. piling your successful experiences As expected, this is important. People who don't have confidence believe that "I am useless" as I wrote in the previous article. And to believe ...

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いずみ (Izumi)

I will study human brains at graduate school after going through business person. May humankind be happy after this evolution of the world. It's easier to change ourselves rather than others. Update yourself.

-human relations, life lesson, mind

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