human relations life lesson love

"Why don't you understand me?" The reason you aren't understood.


"I do my best at work and housework but nobody don't understand it!" "My boyfriend doesn't understand my feelings at all." We often get disappointed and irritate about how others don't understand us. Let's put an end to such feelings today. I will tell you the three ways of thinking necessary to become free from the irritation.

Be free from the irritation such as "why don't you understand me?"

That others don't understand you is of course.

Don't expect.

All from the lack of imagination

That others don't understand you is of course.

First is about the basic attitude.

Your boss, your lover, your family, basically don't know about you. As a premise, realize that it is impossible to understand 100% each other because we are others. This talk is from there. The correct answer to the question such as "Hey, Why don't you understand me!?" isn't "I'm sorry" but "Because I'm not you". However, then can n't we understand with anyone? No, that's not true. There is a way for letting others to understand you. Do you wanna know?

That way is to "tell". Although it is such a simple and natural way, when we say that "you don't understand me!", we often can't do that. "Because I don't want you to hate me",or "I want you to notice by yourself" are just your convenience. For whatever reason, it's your selfish to be angry with "I want you to understand me" without making enough effort to convey.

If you want others to understand you, you need to tell them enoughly.

Don't expect that others understand you

If we aren't understood well, we often become emotional. Why? That's because you expected "You will be understood".

For instance, even though you have cleaned out the house perfectly and were waiting for your family's return with excitement, nobody of family noticed about it.

the reason you're emotional in this situation is that you were expecting the reaction of family, like "Wow! They're so clean and shiny!."

We are disappointed when there is a gap against expectation. So "Don't expect that others understand you" from the beginning, this is comparatively specific advice.

In the previous case, if you want the family to notice the cleaned house, you shouldn't just expect and wait that your family would notice it. Just wait a bit and if they don't notice, say obediently that "Hey, I cleaned out the house. praise me!".

All from the lack of imagination

Basically, our negative feelings towards other people is mostly due to the lack of imagination. This is the reason why we hurt or hate each other even if we don't desire it. Whenever you complain about "I'm not understood", you lack imagination about your opponent. Look at our case. Her husband perhaps did mistake at work and was depressed. her son possibly had some distress about school. Whenever you complain about the ignorance of opponent, you're also ignorant about him/her.

Many problems arise from lack of imagination. A spiteful boss may have some pain. He's perhaps distressing about something happend in the past or other things.
It's no problem that you don't like him even if you know it. However just understanding that we don't know the pain, difficulty or distress of others stop you from judging others easily by your viewpoint. And we can get the attitude to accept other people as others.

All from the lack of imagination. It is important to think whether you understand the opponent or not before you get angry with "You do not understand me!".


others are otherse no matter how long you are together. Don't forget that you don't know the other person so that the opponent does not understand you easily.
Let 's abandon the expectation that you will be understood, and make efforts to tell.

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いずみ (Izumi)

I will study human brains at graduate school after going through business person. May humankind be happy after this evolution of the world. It's easier to change ourselves rather than others. Update yourself.

-human relations, life lesson, love

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