Continuation from last time,"How to make a good decision when you can't make up your mind. 1. clarify your purpose”.Last time I talked about clarifying the purpose of that choice in order to ride the "thinking" base rather than "worrying". Please do not misunderstand as if you really understand it before you don't verbalize it. People who can not use words can not think own. To use words is not such a story that you can use correct English. As for this, speaking becomes long, so if you are interested, please have a look at "People have 2 languages, use this language well to overcome anxiety - words" .
2, To have to the courage to truncate what is not important.
Well, everyone who clarified your purpose in that choice Hello.
You crossed the biggest mountain by one. Let's go over two more. The next most important thing is this, "Have the strength to truncate what is not important".
Let's get back a case study on points that Mr,A who can't quit from the company, for example.
- This, honesty 90% is not important. Let's truncate.
Mr. A ”
Ok, I cleaned it up. Well, there is only one thing worth thinking. Oh, if he had the courage to truncate like this, he was not worried from the beginning too. Then, let's break down and think about it.
・I feel miserable like running away
・don't have a confidence to get a new job properly
・I can't change my feeling even if I change my job
・my boss will be anger very much
・ bring trouble to those around me
・be said to be foolish
・even though my colleagues are active
It falls into two categories: anxiety to be completed within personal and anxiety involving others. I will talk about the way of thinking each.
anxiety to be completed within personal
About this, when clearing the first step that clarifying your purpose, about half is solved. Let's have the courage to throw away things that are not important for the purpose. Even if you are "not sure if you can change jobs", if changing a job is the optimal solution to achieve your goals, you have to do it. Even if you are pitiful, taking care of what is important to you is the correct answer for you. Even if you think that you are like escaping, if you had the goal "I want to escape from this situation," please run away at full speed. The person who has a clear purpose has no shakiness in decision making.
But when you truncate something not the most important, when you get over the anxiety that "this may be a run away", there is a magic to change your miserable feeling to strong one, I will tell you it.
That is to decide that "I chose this myself". People who can not be responsible for their own choice will stay helpless forever and will become victims forever. "I really do not want to do it ..." "I really wanted to continue, but he said...", such a people are overwhelmingly helpless and position themselves to the victims and not have the power to change their life. Having responsibility for our own life. This is truly important. About this, I wrote in "We will be helpless unless we have two responsibilities", so please read those who are interested.
You are responsible for your life. The feeling that you choose it yourself will raise you up when you are down. you should do is just decide "This is my life and I have a responsibility for myself.". If you decide you owe the responsibility for your choice, everything is the best decision at your discretion. People can only do what they can. If you are looking for the best choice for human beings, you can not do anything forever. Do what you think is best for you now. And have responsibility to yourself. That is the best we can do.
As for the second half, for example, "I feel like I do not change as I change jobs",is involved in your purpose, let's keep it in the last step. First of all, to cutdown useless things in order to think about the optimal solution. Otherwise you will mistake the optimal solution.
anxiety involving others
Here, the "separation of tasks" of Adler psychology is rather important. Many people do not do this. Everyone hold too many things.
Unfortunately you can not control the feelings of others, we can not bear the responsibility for the feelings of others. Such a thing is impossible. When you do something, some will be sad, some will get angry, some will make a fool of you. But if you try to take responsibility to such a feeling of others, you can't do anything. Anyway, you can't take a responsibility from the first place because others is not you. Can you live others' life? So, here it is important to consider the separation of tasks.
What others thinks is a matter of themselves and it is not your problem
For example, even if your boss's work will be increased due to your quit, his anger is the anger that he should manage somehow, and his emotion like "I want you not to quit" is also his task, it is not your task. It is impossible to take responsibility in the minds of others, so it is important to clearly separate the tasks.
However, if you dig deeper into the anxiety a little more, it will eventually result in your assignment.
・my boss will be anger very much → I don't wanna be scold
・ bring trouble to those around me → I don't wanna be thought a hindrance
・be said to be foolish → I don't wanna be said to be foolish
・even though my colleagues are active → I feel miserable
like that. Then these became your task. And there are two ways to deal with these issues.
first, to have the courage to truncate what is not important for achieving the objective as before I tell. Even if you do not want to be said to be stupid, give up it if your most important goal isn't it. To get the most important thing, have the courage to truncate what doesn't worth your goal.
The second thing is to do what you can to others. For example, it makes you sad to put trouble on your colleagues, but if it meet for your own purpose, you should do your best to your colleagues in good faith. This is important to manage your own feelings rather than for others.
It may sound like a cold way to say, but as a result how other people feel is other people's problems, it's not your problem. However, if you feel guilty against someone, do your best. It is important to solve your task that is your own feelings for others.
Well, I wrote a lot for a long time, but this was the second step.
As you can understand above, "to clarify the purpose of your choice" is the most important thing to deal with it. Because you won't know what to truncate when this is blurred. The person who seriously thought about this may understood that it is nothing other than thinking about your own life to think about the purpose of your choice. What is important to your life, what is happiness to you, what is important to yourself. It's important for each person to think "and decide" their own answers asking themselves. After that, this article become meaningful. This time, I told you what's not important and how cut them off. Others problem is others problem.
Well next part is the last one. "3, Make a decision."
How to make a good decision when you can't make up your mind. 3, Make a decision.
Continuation from last time,"How to make a good decision when you can't make up your mind. 2 to have the courage to truncate.”. Last time I wrote about the idea of truncating things that hinder correct decision making. Everyone who has read the article so far should know the purpose of your choice and what is not necessary for the purpose. Still, those who have not read the previous article, please come back after reading ① ②. Make a decision. Well, all that is left is just making a decision since you have come this far. I will inform you of the ...